An open letter to the scam artist who called the library today

Dear Madam,

Thank you for your inquiry regarding the library’s copier. I am sorry I was not able to provide you with the copier’s model number, however I am familiar with your techniques which result in unsuspecting victims being sent unwanted, outrageously priced copy supplies they had never ordered.

When I asked you why you needed the model number and you told me your company wanted to send us the new rate change, I did not think it was an unreasonable request to ask what exactly you meant by rate change. I’m sure you can understand why I was confused when you responded “it’s kind of like the introduction to a book on the information we’re sending.”

You see, I’m a librarian. We know about things like books. Although I suppose it is possible I may have missed the “Comparisons Between Bibliographic Introductions and Photocopier Rate Changes” class while I was in library school. Was that an elective?

When I told you I still did not understand what the term rate change meant and you responded by telling me you weren’t a dictionary, I was relieved. Imagine the strange looks on my coworkers faces if I would have told them I talked to a dictionary on the phone. I am grateful you were able to at least clarify that for me.

In closing, I am curious about one more thing. When your head hits the pillow at night, how do you fall asleep knowing you earn a living deceiving people?

Sincerely yours,